I’ve heard the expression “I am constantly creating myself” before, but never felt much of a connection to it until recently. It has been such a long time, and so many wide eyed nights have been spent since I last remember being someone I felt uneasy + untrue towards. That is so strange to say, because I feel as though I haven’t been the same person two days in a row for almost a year and a half now.
I did my fair share of screaming + kicking, asking the world and all its going-ons to take it easy on me, to pick on someone her own size, and to please see that I was grasping at anything that was consistent + safe. Some days, that safety means intertwining my fingers with someone elses, some days its means not speaking a verbal word to another soul, and some days my safety is found in quiet rooms where the only thing lingering around me is my own breath in the air.
One of the best parts of living your truth, + feeling every shred of upset that makes its way into your heart + mind, tunnelling through all the things you held close to you, is that you get to take all the credit for the reactions and honest love you show yourself.
Self love is something no one will ever be able to give you.
Even though my day to day life is backwards, and so far from my life even just ten months ago, the elapsed time maybe isn’t that huge, but every day has been full of fight.
Fight to find consistency + comfort in the unknown. Fight to love the sad days and their importance. Fight to continue seeing that I AM WORTH ALOT.
— PLEASE DON’T WORRY THAT YOU DON’T KNOW WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, or WHAT YOU WANT TO BE.
Its hard to know where you are going, especially when you don’t exactly have an end location in mind. I have been trying to remind myself that it is so okay to not have clarity on my travels to becoming who I am. So please don’t worry that don’t know where you want to go, and what you want to be- because leaving it open leaves so much room for loving things about yourself you never gave credence to.
I recently had someone point out to me that everything they’ve seen me post online in the last nine months has progressively come across as simply more me. I don’t think she initially knew how much that meant to me. We continued to talk about how I’ve gone from wanting to live through a business ran as authentically me as possible, to being able to live transparently + vulnerably in all aspects of life, including my work. Be surprised with the changes you make in yourself, because I promise you will be so surprised and thrilled looking back on things- each of those small changes are so beautiful.
If you are ever wondering about where you are going or if anything is changing or going in that ‘right’ direction, just know it will always work itself out, just stay busy living. Move forward always.