The reality is, you won’t be for everyone.
Despite trying to say and do whatever I can in order for someone to see the parts of me that I want them to hold value in, I refuse to show only those parts. I have always had the nature to reassure people, and give words of honest affirmation- confirming things about themselves that they seek validation for. This is a huge part of me and where my heart is. I don’t do this so that you owe me one, so that you can feel guilty while I say honest thoughts to you or so that you never have to guess how I feel. I don’t ever want people to feel as though the reasons I say and do things in a vulnerable and honest light is for any reason other than I appreciate so much honesty in return, and I guess that makes saying things easier. You don’t need to appreciate the fact that I say and do these things, because I don’t do the simple action to hold a place in your heart like it does mine.
Forgiveness has become such a large part of my day to day interactions with people. I have had a hard time with people taking what they want from me, and leaving all things that are anything but desirable to them- or of benefit to them for that matter. Here I am, with parts of me that I tucked away so deep that I forgot where I put them, with them out in the open and hurting. People like us are putting themselves out there, knowing that there are inevitable people holding these inevitable traits out there.
I will be the first to admit, with tears in my eyes, that apprehensively letting someone push and prod their way into my heart with a force I told myself not to love, is easily the most terrifying thing I’ve done in ages. It has served as a honest and painful reminder that not everyone sees you the way you see yourself; this is such a positive thing- because if only you could see that others see you in a light that is so much brighter than anything you could ever imagine.
We are so brave for putting ourselves out there regardless of if we feel ready or worthy. We are so brave for putting parts of our hurting heart on display. We are so brave for letting people in, despite every particle of our being telling us not to.
— OUR HEARTS ARE NOT FOR EVERYONE, BUT THE THINGS YOU KNOW TO BE SO TRUE ABOUT YOURSELF- NO ONE WILL EVER BE ABLE TO TAKE THOSE FROM YOU.
Experiences present themselves at unexpected and sometimes inopportune times but the people who are part of these experiences, I am thankful for. I called myself out in one of my last blog posts to remain thankful for the ones who are making an honest and intentional decision to be part of my story, and no matter what is is you showed up with, I am thankful.
I will be thankful for the ones who remind me what I love about myself, and why I so bravely and intentionally constantly live with my heart on the line.
It won’t always be painful, but I am trying to appreciate every excruciating and heart wrenching moment of bravery.